Now I understand and appreciate why my Jesuit instructors insisted that I take at least two years of ancient Greek. It's a multitheistic world and we have to live as comfortably as the likes of Socrates, Sophocles and the citizens of ancient Greece did under a kind metaphysical Hollywood of star divinities.
Unfortunately, we don't have ancient Athens' deistic food chain. It was accepted that Zeus was the Big Guy, the heavy-hitting Godfather of all the other lesser deities.
Now we have a version of one Zeus battling the other for control of the human race.
Well, that means war on earth. So, you'd better pick a foxhole and fight.
Allah has taken his gloves off, okay? Osama bin Laden made that evident. General Bin Laden -- the Arabian version of Generals Rommel, Robert E. Lee and Admiral Nimitz -- is aware of something most people are not: Mohammed, the Savior, had a Second Coming too. He returned to the earth as Karl Marx. That is why every so-called democratic socialist is a servant of Allah.
It's not looking good for the Judeo-Christian civilization. Yahweh, the God of both the Old and New Testaments, is on the ropes. It's Rocky in the tenth round, bloody and beaten. It's not the Twin Towers assault that really hurt Him. Yahweh's children have been poisoned. Not only did Karl Marx come back to reveal himself as the real savior of the Chosen People, but he's convinced a majority of Catholics and Protestants that Jesus of Nazareth was a Marxist.
Since most Israelis and members of the Diaspora are socialist, Israel is about to be eaten alive by its own children.
The two most influential leaders in the history of North America - Pierre Trudeau and William Clinton - were both liberation theologists, so all Christians on the continent have been co-opted for Marx and enlisted into the troops of Allah.
To inform them that Christ's Golden Rule did not mean "do unto the rich what you would not want done unto yourselves" is to advise your teenage son not to experiment with drugs and sex.
It's ironic that democratic socialists -- so patronizing in the tone they adopt toward conservatives in the liberal-dominated media -- cannot be lectured to themselves. Well, I'm here to blatantly talk down to them: "You are Marxist snakes, as certainly as bin Laden is an Arabian cobra."
So, I think it's pretty clear that I've picked a foxhole and am throwing Palestinian rocks at the Muslim kids who think Allah made those rocks.
I say it's "Yahweh, ALL THE WAY!"
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. died because he refused to be a liberation theologist. His communist bodyguards didn't pull the trigger. They just stepped out of the line of fire to give the assassin a clean shot.
Because Reverend Jesse Jackson couldn't wait to make Christ a Marxist, we are now in the situation we're in. No family has so revealed in Mount Rushmore granite what has happened to North America as have the formerly enslaved African-Americans. Playing on the seeming impossibility of forgiveness by blacks for whites, the liberation theologists are saying that Christ's Second Coming is the Marxist Revolution.
Gee, really?
Who's the Second Christ?
William Jefferson Clinton, they answer.
"Haven't you woken up, Mr. Moriarty?," they scream.
"You watched him parade through Africa in billowing Christ-like robes? You saw us bow down before him as if he were the REAL BWANA."
Yeah, and then I vomited.
Now he's got a penthouse in Harlem. Half of his security guards are Black Muslims and he's wandering around Australia, as close as he can get to his friends in Beijing, lest anything happen that might make him look bad. Well, I've connected the dots between Clinton and the tragic events of September 11. So let him sue me. If this continent were awake, it would be impossible for Clinton to book a flight for what he calls home.
The list of daily treasons he committed in office are too many to count. They're the sands on the beach at Veradero where his friend Fidel is preparing to annex Florida with the invaluable help of his alligator friend, Janet Reno.
That paragraph is the first barrage out of my foxhole.
Whattaya got going on your side, Billy Boy?
If he weren't so low, I'd punch him in the teeth, but I know it wouldn't wipe that schizophrenic, Mona Lisa smile off his face. He'd fall like Iago in Othello, utterly unrepentant.
"We feed black jealousy and vengeance," he thinks to himself. "We feed Arab jealousy and vengeance. We feed labor jealousy and vengeance. We feed women's jealousy and vengeance. We give them a French abortion pill that allows them to treat pregnancy like constipation, human life like shit, their vaginas like a rectum and men like a pain in the ass. Yeah, that's how we do it for Allah!"
Well, out of my foxhole you'll hear "Yahweh!"
"Yaaaaahhhhhhweeehhhhhhhh!!!!!"
If that doesn't stand your hair on end, nothing will.
If nothing can, then you are the Devil Incarnate, Bill.
You'll take yourself out, Darth Vader Jr., just like Judas did.
Your father figure and my financial father figure, Senator William Fulbright of Arkansas, was the real Darth Vader. He so immersed the best and brightest of America in Marxist think-tanks in Europe - and deprogramming sanitariums like the Priory in Richmond, England, where they electroshocked Paul Robeson 35 times because he seemed to be slipping out of their commie grasp - that I can almost forgive you. However, your mama did take you to a few Bible classes. You unbelievable egomaniac! You're beyond psychosis. You're messianic!
These two are not Gods. They're human beings and their only God was Reality. We can talk.
I'm a Realist.
Oriental communists hold Marxist ideology in their hands, but Confucius and Buddha in their DNA.
They're waiting on the sidelines.
Good idea. Helping the idiots of Allah, like Saddam Hussein, is a very bad idea. You might begin to think the world is your home court. Stay, visiting dignitaries, for the "thrilla in Manila!"
You took the Philippines back, right? Out of the loving arms of Douglas MacArthur. Well, you don't have Japan, idiots. They'll fight to the death in memory of their savior, General MacArthur.
So, stick to the bleachers, f**kheads.
Allah landed the first punch last Tuesday.
We can take any punch that pint-sized deity can throw.
Now it's time to insult the author of this religion of jealousy, self-pity, self-entitlement and vengeance. "Allah sucks!"
"Yahweh! Yahweh!"
That's our battle cry.
Unless your messiah Bill Clinton starts shouting "Allah" pretty soon, I think you might realize that he's just a careerist, a Suppy -- a socialist yuppy -- who blew Left because the winds of power were blowing that way. Then you "take him out," the way Arafat knows he'll be "taken out."
Come on, punks. Throw it again, while we "float like a butterfly and sting like a bee." We're stealing a few stylistic mannerisms your Muhammad Ali used to fight with. Let's both do the "ropa-dope!"
"'Kay! 'Kay," as that great Italian-American actor Joe Pesci said in Lethal Weapon.
Only now, we're delivering it like the psychotic he played in Goodfellas. We have our own psychotics, too, ya know? You think Allah has a corner on the crazies? You're in New York now, wannabes!
We've locked the doors and you can't get out.
If the following occurs, we will win with the least amount of collateral damage:
Who did they think they were f--king with? It's one thing to get Washington, D.C. angry. It's a whole other thing to awaken a sleeping New York City. That's a whole state of mind unto itself and it's not really as weak-kneed liberal as you think, bin-Laden! I shall now call you the Palestinian Fox, whether or not you are Palestinian. You're the real Arafat, 'kay, 'kay, 'kay?
We were just playing with Allah when we made it look like we could no longer fight mano a mano. We sucked him in. A very, very stupid God. That's why he had to go and enlist the best and brightest of America to work for him. Oh well, pencil-necks and eggheads cannot fight a war. They go get degrees to avoid military service.
Let's go, snake shit!
Clinton's lower than you are. He's a careerist and you know it.
The other thing you forgot about America is that we will be any life form we have to be. As colonies, because the British Empire talked down to us, we were willing to start from the posture they placed us in: as low as snakes' bellies. Well, snake shit, don't tread on us! We're still higher than our own manure!
You really picked the wrong guy to get upset, snake shit. I was willing to concentrate on your messiah, Bill Clinton, but you really pushed the envelope here.
So, it's a "go-go" in Afghanistan, if that's where you're crawled up. Don't know how many snakeholes there are, but I bet it's a lot.
I'm advising we keep you for last, shithead.
You're a helluva general and you might have made a good Arabian leader, but you know in a Democracy, we tend to only make our generals president during war. So, you're Allah's President for a couple of days.
However, Eisenhower was one of my favorite presidents. He could smell a snake coming from a continent away. He certainly knew Richard Nixon before that rattler ever crawled into Republican campaign headquarters.
We're both in the War Room now. I'm walking safely and freely in North America. You're already Hitler in a very smelly, dusty, muddy bunker that has to stay a moveable feast for fiends. Well, in the end, we'll serve you up to your own people. Remember what the Italians did to Benito Mussolini when the war was obviously lost?
You'll wish you were Mussolini by the time we're done with you!
You'll wish you were Yasir Arafat -- whom I'm sure you are even now giving orders to like the despicable, cowardly, rat careerist he is!
That's about it for openers, Cobra!
Can't wait to hear your name for me! You want me to play the Devil, I will. I'm a good lawyer, too. That stint on Law and Order rehearsed me for the role.
Round One is over.
Oh, by the way, you're more Marxist than Muslim, and don't think your troops don't know that, Mussolini.
We're toying with you, Cobra.